Somewhere around nine years ago, my younger sister Marty unexpectedly called me, and questioned me on the amount of life insurance Joe and I had.  It was unexpected because of the topic; we talked often but generally not on potentially touchy situations like debt and death.  However, she knew Joe and I had a rather significant amount of debt, and she was worried on what would happen to the kids and me if Joe died.  It wasn’t that she didn’t worry about what Joe would do if I died, but he was the breadwinner and she knew we lived next door to his Mom and that she would certainly step in and help Joe with whatever he needed.  Now, Joe’s Mom and Dad are terrific people and they absolutely would have helped me out financially as well, but Marty knew I would not want to be dependent on my in-laws unless absolutely necessary.  I tend to want to be very independent and in control (my family are rolling their eyes at this understatement).

To be honest, I have to admit I was not sure what insurance we had.  I knew Joe had some insurance through his job, and I had a small Universal life insurance policy but that was about all I knew; life insurance just wasn’t on my radar.  Marty explained her mother-in-law had called, worried on whether Marty and Charlie had enough coverage (Marty wasn’t working full time either).  And then Marty told me a figure that was staggering to me; she said a family needed 10 times a wage-earner’s annual salary in life insurance in order to protect the family if that wage earner died unexpectedly.  I explained to Marty I really appreciated her concern, but with me not working, and with all our debt, Joe and I really could not afford to add life insurance to our monthly bills on top of everything else.  We ended the conversation with Marty asking me in a nonjudgmental tone,  “Can you afford not to?”

So, the short of it is that Joe and I talked it over, and decided to speak with my Dad, who was a semi-retired life insurance salesman and discover what, if any, affordable options there were.  Dad, agreed with Marty about our need (he had known we were underinsured but really did not want to interfere with our lives), and he found a policy with a highly-rated company, and a monthly rate that Joe and I believed we could “just” afford.  For several months, I was tempted to terminate the policy because it was tough to add in yet another bill, but eventually we adapted to the extra payment and it became routine.

I bet you have an idea where I am going, sharing this information.  As horrible as Joe’s death was, and it has been, by far, one of the roughest passages in my life, I have not had to worry about how I am going to pay my bills, feed the kids, buy gas, etc…you get the point.  I have been able to keep working part time, for this first year anyway, while Jackson, Laurel and I attempt to create a “new normal.”   For Jackson, who doesn’t like change, having life insurance has meant I can continue to take and pick him up from school, to cart him to his tutoring and to work, and to keep life as stable as possible amongst the chaos of death.  For Laurel, it has meant she graduated from NCSU (with honors; GO LAUREL!) without debt, when she was expecting to owe somewhere around $50,000.  I know she would rather owe the money and have her Dad, but Joe hated we were saddling her with a huge burden before she even had her first “real” job, and I know he is smiling down at me in relief she is debt-free.

I again give thanks to God, for placing insurance, or the lack of, on Marty’s heart.  I mean, who really thinks about life insurance other than life insurance salesmen (sorry Dad), and who calls their sister about it?  Certainly, my family does not, and I give credit to God for once again providing for us before we knew there was a need. And thank you Marty, for obeying the urge you heard and calling me, when I know the thought of that conversation felt uncomfortable.  And Dad, thank you for finding us some insurance we could afford with a dependable company.

Sometimes, we are nudged into actions or conversations that are outside our comfort zone.  In the past, I have ignored some of those “God calls”, but since Joe died, I have been trying to listen more attentively, and to step outside of my box when He tells me.  Like Moses, I have been known to try and “reason” with God, to let him know I may not be the best person for His calling.  You know how that ended with Moses?  Yeah, He pesters me until I follow through!

According to LIMRA, in 2013, 30% of U.S. households had no life insurance at all, and only 44% had individual life insurance; the average amount of coverage for adults has declined $30,000, to $167,000 since 2004.  Of course, not many of us expect to have a spouse die at a relatively young age.  Having life insurance for my family has given us breathing room to grieve, and continue life with some small sense of normality.   I hope you will evaluate your income situation, and make sure you will have room to breathe, just in case the unthinkable happens.